When you’re dating a guy, it’s easy to think he’s perfect. You’re in a love haze, so be careful because there are definite differences between the boy you date and the man you marry. It’s true that people can change, so don’t ditch a guy just because he seems like a slacker at first. It’s okay to give him a chance to prove himself. However, if you don’t eventually see some of these characteristics, don’t be afraid to dump him and move on to someone new. If you’re young and having fun at this point in your life, it’s okay to date around and have flings, but before long you’re going to want to settle down, so make sure you do it with a quality man, not an immature boy.

Commitment and Intentions

The Boy You Date: Casual Hangouts

The boy you date asks you to “hang out,” which involves less commitment than a date. He wants to have fun with no strings attached, enjoying the moment without considering a future together. This lack of clarity can lead to confusion and uncertainty about where the relationship is headed.

The Man You Marry: Clear Intentions

The man you marry asks you out on dates and is clear about his intentions with you. He wants to be with you and wants you to know where you’re headed. His actions demonstrate that he sees a potential future with you and values the relationship enough to invest time and effort into it.

Conversation and Connection

The Boy You Date: Surface-Level Chats

The boy you date talks with you about people you know from your past, pokes fun at others, or only shares funny stories because he can’t connect on a deeper level. His conversations are often superficial, lacking depth and substance, which can make the relationship feel shallow.

The Man You Marry: Meaningful Discussions

The man you marry can hold a conversation with you about books, movies, music, and other common interests. He engages in meaningful discussions that foster a deeper connection and mutual understanding. This makes for a more substantial relationship in the long run, built on shared interests and intellectual compatibility.

Views on Marriage and Family

The Boy You Date: Firm Stance Against Marriage

The boy you date will say he never wants to get married or have kids, and nothing will change his mind. Don’t try–this is a red flag that he’s not Mr. Right! His firm stance against long-term commitments indicates that he’s not ready for the responsibilities and sacrifices that come with marriage and family life.

The Man You Marry: Open to Change

The man you marry might change his mind about wanting to marry and have kids after he’s met you. He’s open to evolving his views because he sees a future with you and is willing to consider what it would take to make that future a reality. His flexibility and willingness to adapt are signs of maturity and commitment.

Handling Conflict

The Boy You Date: Personal Attacks

The boy you date hears your attitude, takes it personally, and starts firing it right back at you until it spirals into a major fight. He calls you mean and immature names to make himself feel like a winner. This type of behavior is indicative of someone who lacks emotional maturity and effective communication skills.

The Man You Marry: Constructive Resolution

The man you marry can handle your attitude and talk you down from a ledge. He fights fairly and doesn’t call you names or use physical force, no matter how angry he gets. His approach to conflict is to resolve it constructively, ensuring that both parties feel heard and respected. This is especially important when you have major life crises or a bad day at work.

Perception of Physical Appearance

The Boy You Date: Critical of Looks

The boy you date cares too much about looks and will tease you for looking sloppy until you fix yourself back up to his standards. His emphasis on physical appearance can make you feel insecure and undervalued for who you are beyond your looks.

The Man You Marry: Understanding and Supportive

The man you marry understands that everyone has good and bad days as far as looks go and won’t hurt your feelings or love you less if your weight fluctuates or you have a bad hair day or forget to shave for a while. He values you for who you are and supports you through all your physical and emotional ups and downs.

Expressions of Love and Apologies

The Boy You Date: Hollow Words

The boy you date will say “I’m sorry” because he just wants you to cheer up or stop nagging him. He says “I love you” because he doesn’t want to lose you, even though he doesn’t really feel the meaning of the words. His expressions of love and apologies are often shallow and insincere.

The Man You Marry: Genuine Emotions

The man you marry will say “I’m sorry” because he honestly is and he never meant to hurt you with his words or actions. He says “I love you” because he truly means it and wants you to feel that love every minute of your life. His words are backed by genuine emotions and actions that show his commitment to making you happy.

Independence and Self-Sufficiency

The Boy You Date: Dependent on Others

The boy you date will expect to have things done for him because that’s what his mom did and that’s what other girls have done for him. He doesn’t have to take care of himself and relies on others to meet his needs. This dependency can become a burden in a long-term relationship.

The Man You Marry: Self-Sufficient

The man you marry will know how to take care of himself: how to cook, clean, do laundry, pay bills, and more–because he’s already a man. It’s important for people to have this figured out before they’re ready to marry, which is a great way to tell what type your guy is. His self-sufficiency is a sign of maturity and readiness for a committed relationship.

Social Integration

The Boy You Date: Isolates You

The boy you date doesn’t want to meet your friends because he just wants to be alone with you all of the time. His reluctance to integrate into your social circle can lead to feelings of isolation and detachment from your support system.

The Man You Marry: Embraces Your Social Circle

The man you marry wants to hear stories about your friends until he can meet them and get to know them himself. He values your social connections and understands their importance in your life. His willingness to integrate into your social circle is a sign of his commitment to building a life with you.

Family Involvement

The Boy You Date: Avoids Family

You’re too embarrassed to take the boy you date to meet your parents, not that he’d ever bring it up himself. His avoidance of family involvement can indicate a lack of seriousness about the relationship and a reluctance to commit to a future together.

The Man You Marry: Family-Oriented

The man you marry wants to meet your parents and impresses them when he does. He understands the importance of family and is willing to make an effort to build positive relationships with your loved ones. His family-oriented mindset is a strong indicator of his readiness for marriage.

Relationship Reality Check

The Boy You Date: Fantasized Future

You fantasize about marrying the boy you date because he’s cute and all you do is have fun together–until the first big blow-up. His appeal is often based on superficial qualities and fleeting moments of fun, which may not be sustainable in the long term.

The Man You Marry: Realistic Consideration

You hem and haw over if the man you marry is right for you, if you should settle down with him, if your relationship can make it long term. This realistic consideration of the relationship’s potential indicates a deeper level of thought and commitment, which is essential for a successful marriage.

Communication Engagement

The Boy You Date: Half-Listening

The boy you date doesn’t listen to you or fully engage in conversations. He nods while you talk, then changes the subject or just tells you what you want to hear. His lack of engagement can make you feel unheard and unimportant.

The Man You Marry: Active Listening

The man you marry cares about what you have to say. He wants to know your thoughts and opinions on anything from major issues to tiny moments from your day. His active listening skills foster a deeper connection and mutual respect, which are crucial for a healthy relationship.

Handling Challenges

The Boy You Date: Runs at the First Sign of Trouble

The boy you date runs at the first sign of trouble because it’s too much drama for him, and he doesn’t want anything tying him down. His avoidance of challenges indicates a lack of commitment and resilience.

The Man You Marry: Committed Through Tough Times

The man you marry sticks with you through tough times because he’s committed to you and the relationship and wants to see it through to the end. His resilience and dedication are key to building a lasting and fulfilling partnership.

Financial Responsibility

The Boy You Date: Reluctant to Share Costs

The boy you date doesn’t reach for the check and huffs if you ask him to split the bill with you. His reluctance to share financial responsibilities can indicate a lack of maturity and readiness for a committed relationship.

The Man You Marry: Willing to Invest

The man you marry pays when he takes you out, even after you grab the check and insist five times that it’s your turn to pay. His willingness to invest in the relationship financially is a sign of his commitment and generosity.

Providing Security

The Boy You Date: Uncertainty and Insecurity

The boy you date never gives you security. You don’t know

how he feels or what he’s up to when he’s not with you, and your friends might even have money riding on how long you’ll last. His unpredictability can lead to feelings of insecurity and doubt.

The Man You Marry: Trust and Assurance

The man you marry will make you feel secure. You’ll always know he loves you, you’ll be able to trust him, and you’ll know that you two can make it through anything. His consistent and reliable nature provides the emotional security necessary for a stable and happy marriage.

Conclusion

Recognizing the differences between the boy you date and the man you marry is crucial for making informed decisions about your future. While dating can be a fun and exciting experience, it’s important to keep an eye out for the qualities that will sustain a long-term relationship. The man you marry should demonstrate commitment, maturity, and a willingness to grow and adapt with you. By focusing on these characteristics, you can build a strong foundation for a lasting and fulfilling marriage.